The sun is shining through the tree leaves and warms up my face as I’m sitting there with my eyes closed by the train window.
The music on my headphones is playing in Greek. We call it “καψούρα”. A genre I can’t translate to English. If I have to put it into words it’d be the type of music you listen to when you’re in love with someone but they don’t know, when you miss them every minute of the hour even though you’ve never shared more than a couple of hours altogether, it’s when the thought of them takes up all the space in your head and you can’t function right.
I look outside and everything moves so quickly. The window frame makes the ever-changing scenery seem like previews of a motion picture. Α movie, I star in it and the plot is simple. An imaginary life. The one where you and I were together and we had nothing to worry about. My heart skips a bit when you text me, when I see your name on the screen and I’m happy. It’s not like we’re gonna have the deepest conversation ever but a “Hey, how are you?” means more than I ever thought. I take two minutes before I read it but feels like ages. I’m trynna play it cool but my anticipation hits the roof. Here I am typing my reply “…”
The other day you took me by surprise. “I miss you” you said. My eyes teared up. The goodbye I didn’t get to say still hurts me. I needed my closure and you took that away from me. You left in a sudden move and I wasn’t able to kiss you goodbye on the cheek. “I miss you” you said. My eyes teared up. The chance I never had in love, a we that stayed incomplete. I miss you too, a lot!
We. A pronoun, a small word made out of two letters that combined can change everything! Two Is that came together to form something extraordinary. Nothing is sure, no future is written for us I want to believe. Us people tend to rely on fate. Is what makes our destiny, the one that holds the secrets we’ re never meant to find out, the treasures that are hidden from us only to be revealed at the right moment. But is fate real or is it a figment of the fearful? I might be one of them you know.
I fear the loneliness of the soul. I may be around people all day but there’s still this spot inside me that is naked of feelings. This part of the soul that stays in the dark waiting for my very own little match girl to walk in and work her magic. Match by match my deepest desires come to life. They don’t last for long but I take in every image, I collect every moment as if they were small polaroid prints and I store them in the album of my imagination. The light is blinding, the warmth of the fire is heart-melting and I can now see all the fragments the past heartbreaks have left behind.
Despite knowing you wouldn’t be here for long I chose to live the brightest moments. I gave in and went into the deep sea of emotions. I’m not asking you to carry me out neither to be my lifeboat. Only to be a lighthouse and when the waves subside I’ll approach you and rest on your pier for a while before we take our separate ways into the future. As I walk away I’ll turn back, our eyes will meet and full of tears I’ll wave you my goodbye. To you my other I.
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