I've missed sitting down in the coffee shop transferring all the scribbles from my trusted notebook to the laptop. The smell of coffee is strongly present and I take a sip of my flat white. I'm contemplating between the dark chocolate cookie and the cinnamon roll. Cinnamon roll is for the win though! You can't beat the sweet frosting and the taste of cinnamon. Yummy!
I'm trying to focus on putting this post up but the couple having a very tense convo four tables down distract me. Getting emotional. Not me, one of them obviously, but in case you were wondering I'm a very emotional person too. We're talking crying while watching Dinsey emotional. I mean yes, it's embarrassing for a 25 yo guy to cry in the cinema while watching Coco but I just can't help it. I don't know what it is about movies but I get lost in them as if I was one of the characters.
Feeling like another Noah writing letters to my Allie, not expecting a reply but putting my feelings out there to the world. A quite cruel world actually, isn't it? A fast-paced life, worrying too much about money, jobs, bills, leaving our feelings to get all dusty, forgotten in a cardboard on top of the wardrobe.
I'm standing across the room and in a sudden move I go and grab it. As I open it words are jumping out. The papers that were once crisp white have now turned yellow, the ink has faded and there's the distinct smell of old paper. If you've ever walked into an old bookshop you know what I'm talking about. It fills the room and brings back memories.
Why is everyone in a quest to forget? To forget about the past loves, how they made them feel, how they made them smile but also cry. Well, if it's a choice I refuse to forget. Going through all these emotions made me who I am today. Bit stronger? Maybe. More vulnerable? Definitely. But honestly who cares. Why hide away the fact that I am vulnerable, that I cry watching movies and that my favourite line ever said in animation is Olaf's “Some people are worth melting for”.
Personally, I found the above so true. From time to time people come into our lives, when least expected I may add and they just make us look away from ourselves.
When my phone beeps and the notification is followed by your name. A reaction so raw, so unfiltered. A smile. This is when I know, this is the person Olaf was talking about. I don't know if in the long run I'll be proven right but based on what I know now, in the present, it's worth giving a try. If it doesn't work out then I'll keep it as a nice memory no matter the outcome. Good or bad, lovers or friends, two halves they're meant to be together or even never meant to have met, all these things are what's shaping us. Don't try to forget sweetie darlings cause when you fail, and that's a guarantee, it's way more painful than remembering.
I'm not an expert or anything like that, but I speak from my heart. A heart that's been broken a couple of times. I built walls around it to protect it and here I am once again letting them down. Either to a potential heartbreak or if I'm lucky enough to the best story ever told. A love story filmed in sepia, where the sunlight beams through the attic window. And me, I loiter as I tail after the hundreds of dust particles swirling in the gold coloured beams thinking “Be my castle, I'll be your prince, be my happily ever since”.
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